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How to Support Someone with Anxiety
If you or someone you know suffers from an anxiety disorder, this post will give you some tips on how to help them and yourself.
If you have a family member, a friend, a significant other, or even a colleague or an acquaintance with an anxiety disorder, you may feel overwhelmed and not know how to handle it, especially if you don't know much about it or if you know that anxiety affects everyone differently. It can feel like an elephant in the room, and you may be uncomfortable. You may even be frustrated with the situation. Here are some things you can do that will help them and yourself:
Remain calm and rational
Don't give into their fears and worries. You'll just end up feeding into their anxiety and beginning a cycle of worry. If you're freaking out along with them, they'll freak out even more. Also, don't tell them to calm down; it won't work.
Listen patiently
If someone opens up to you about a symptom of their anxiety, it's best not to pass judgment. That person most likely already feels weird or crazy. Just remember that it's not his or her fault and that the person is just looking for someone to listen and to try to understand. Don't try to fix the person or his or her problem.
Be honest with them and yourself
If you think you can offer support of any kind, make specific offers and be sure to follow through. If you can't help them, don't offer. Sometimes all they need is someone to sit with them. Also, be realistic in your promises. They know you have other responsibilities and that you're not a superhero. Don't pretend to be one.
Support their treatment
Don't judge them for being on medication or needing to go to therapy. Instead, be happy for them and the work their doing in managing their anxiety. A mental illness is no different than a physical illness, and no one would judge a person harshly for needing cold medicine or treatment for a chronic condition.
Encourage them to continue with their treatment. Ask them how they're doing. Maybe offer to drive them to a therapy appointment or help them remember to take their medication (in a non-humiliating way). If they are doing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and are learning coping techniques, help them with their homework.
Be patient with them and their treatment. Anxiety won't simply go away. It's a life-long journey of managing symptoms and triggers, and there will be slip-ups along the way.
Offer guidance and reassurance
Maybe you've read about some techniques for handling anxiety and you want to share them. It couldn't hurt to offer some suggestions, and it shows that you care and are invested in their health. Anxiety also causes a lot of self-doubt and worry, so try to give them plenty of genuine praise and encouragement.
Ask them what they need
Because anxiety affects everyone differently, the person you want to support may have specific techniques that work for him or her. The only way to know exactly what to do is to ask. If the person doesn't need your help, don't force it; just offer to be there.
During a panic attack:
Remind them to breathe. Maybe take a few deep breaths with them.
Don't touch them, unless they want a hug or something reassuring.
If they haven't already done this, remove them from the current situation. They might be feeling claustrophobic or be triggered by something nearby. If you see them exhibiting symptoms of a panic attack and they try to leave, let them go, and maybe offer to go with them.
Try not to talk too much, or at least keep your voice soft. They may either be so much in their own head that they won't even hear you, or be very sensitive and highly reactive to a loud voice or harsh words.
Try to ground them. This is probably the best thing you can do. Ask them specific questions about their surroundings that will make them pay attention, like what the chair they're sitting on feels like or what the room looks like. This will get them out of their own heads and back to the present reality.
Most importantly, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
Be sure to keep your own mental health in check. If you're not healthy, you can't help others. Also, stress and worry can be contagious, so try not to take on their problems. If the person feels like he or she is dragging you down, that person might just feel worse. It won't help either of you if you don't stay mental healthy.
If you are the person suffering from anxiety, be sure to take care of yourself as well. Know your triggers and your stressors so you can avoid them or manage them if necessary. Stay physically healthy by getting enough sleep, eating right, exercising, and avoiding caffeine, drugs, and alcohol. Try things like yoga, meditation, art, or even mindless games to clear your mind and relax. Stay involved in your treatment and don't give up! Finally, educate yourself on your condition so you know what's going on and don't feel all alone. On that note, don't be afraid to reach out to people and form a strong support group.
Most of this information comes from personal experience, but some of it is also from NAMI.